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Person In Their 30s Keeps Avoiding Events When Friends’ Kids Are Involved, Gets Called A Selfish “Kid Hater”
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Parenting, People3 months ago

Person In Their 30s Keeps Avoiding Events When Friends’ Kids Are Involved, Gets Called A Selfish “Kid Hater”

While it is the 21st century and various social norms today are not the same as they used to be just several decades ago, there are still some that live on and are perpetuated by newer generations.

Actually, it’s a whole category of norms that relate to kids—you know, questions like ‘when are you gonna have kids?’ and things like the expectation that you must love any and all children irrespective of your personal feelings because how can you ever hurt a kid’s feelings?

Well, one Redditor recently shared how they were strategically avoiding kids for the better, but were soon ‘apprehended’ and blamed for hating them, when that was not the case. Far from it, in fact.

More Info: Reddit

Kids aren’t for everyone, and that’s OK, but despite that, some still follow certain kid-related social norms

Image credits: StillWorksImagery (not the actual photo)

Reddit user u/hug-a-cat (great nickname no matter how you look at it) turned to the Am I The A-Hole community to find out if they were wrong to start avoiding events and gatherings with friends that would also have their kids attending, or deliberately arriving later, past the kids’ bedtime.

You see, OP is in their early 30s, meaning that many of their friends are settling down at this point and starting families. OP, however, isn’t thinking of going down that road because they don’t feel like they’re equipped to provide for a kid, but highlight that they do get along with children in general.

One Redditor recently turned to the AITA community to figure out if avoiding events with kids is wrong

Image credits: hug-a-cat

And, ultimately, they also assume that they have a choice in deciding whether to spend time around kids or not. But for the most part, putting on a kid-friendly face is tiresome for OP, as they are not always in the best of moods, let alone having sensory issues that make being among kids an intense experience. And this isn’t just because it’s draining for them, but also so as to avoid upsetting a kid. Or ten of them.

For this reason, they started approaching things tactically, attending events and gatherings in ways that avoid kids in general. But one couple with kids caught on pretty quickly. And instead of managing it like adults, they decided to play the blame game, accusing OP of hating kids, being selfish, and putting themselves above the happiness of the children.

Image credits: hug-a-cat

And, turns out, this was an opinion held my many of the Redditor’s friends, hence prompting the post on the Am I The A-Hole subreddit.

But, unlike their friends, Redditors were of a different opinion, as they collectively ruled them to be not the a-hole. Some related to their ADHD, explaining how they perfectly understand the feeling, further praising their understanding of boundaries, and drawing them appropriately, with respect.

Image credits: hug-a-cat

Others speculated the parents weren’t all too clear about their intentions, attempting to manipulate OP into being the ‘nanny’ at events, as kids were naturally drawn to them. Yet others expressed their disdain for such parenting, ‘forcing’ kids onto others.

No matter the reasons, everyone supported OP, and the post garnered a modest 3,985 upvotes (with 98% upvoted) as of this article, as well as a handful of Reddit awards and nearly 700 comments.

You can check out the entire post and all of its comments here. But what are your thoughts on this? Is OP wrong, is he right? Share your opinions and ideas in the comment section below!

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Laura Lou
Community Member
3 months ago

OP definitely needs new friends. The parents are 100% a-holes heres! I had to cut a friend out of my life who had a child because she would only talk about her kid, and if I would try to steer the conversation elsewhere she would get upset. After a couple of months I realized she never asked me about how I was doing (even though she knew I had to move and had just recieved a new diagnosis). Also whenever I mentioned something about being tired (I have chronic fatigue) she would just say "only a mom knows real tired!" like no Sarah. You know I have chronic fatigue.

Suzi Q
Community Member
3 months ago

I have Chronic Fatigue too. I get exhausted really quickly when dealing with chronic fatigue. I still have some old friends but now I got new friends who understand. I found some local support groups and met up with some new friends.

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BluEyedSeoulite
Community Member
3 months ago

I have an almost 2yo and a 4yo and I get that parents need breaks! Young kids are very draining. However, unless I'm paying you to entertain my kid, that isn't your responsibility. I think they are AH parents for not intervening and redirecting their kids.

Groundcontroltomajortom
Community Member
3 months ago (edited)

I've got a 4yo and in no way would I ever EXPECT anyone else to entertain my kid unless they want to and ESPECIALLY NOT if they have ADHD or sensory issues. The parents are definitely the a**holes!

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E B
Community Member
3 months ago

NTA. I think OP had the right idea of avoiding situations where they knew they'd get overwhelmed and grumpy.

Otter
Community Member
3 months ago

I've been deliberately avoiding situations where children could be present ever since I moved out of my parents' place and got to choose. Nobody ever called me out on it! But then, I guess my dislike of children is clear enough that nobody ever formed unrealistic expectations, which seems to be the problem here. WTF is up with parents who think that child-free adults will be delighted to listen to their children scream?

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Laura Lou
Community Member
3 months ago

OP definitely needs new friends. The parents are 100% a-holes heres! I had to cut a friend out of my life who had a child because she would only talk about her kid, and if I would try to steer the conversation elsewhere she would get upset. After a couple of months I realized she never asked me about how I was doing (even though she knew I had to move and had just recieved a new diagnosis). Also whenever I mentioned something about being tired (I have chronic fatigue) she would just say "only a mom knows real tired!" like no Sarah. You know I have chronic fatigue.

Suzi Q
Community Member
3 months ago

I have Chronic Fatigue too. I get exhausted really quickly when dealing with chronic fatigue. I still have some old friends but now I got new friends who understand. I found some local support groups and met up with some new friends.

Load More Replies...
BluEyedSeoulite
Community Member
3 months ago

I have an almost 2yo and a 4yo and I get that parents need breaks! Young kids are very draining. However, unless I'm paying you to entertain my kid, that isn't your responsibility. I think they are AH parents for not intervening and redirecting their kids.

Groundcontroltomajortom
Community Member
3 months ago (edited)

I've got a 4yo and in no way would I ever EXPECT anyone else to entertain my kid unless they want to and ESPECIALLY NOT if they have ADHD or sensory issues. The parents are definitely the a**holes!

Load More Replies...
E B
Community Member
3 months ago

NTA. I think OP had the right idea of avoiding situations where they knew they'd get overwhelmed and grumpy.

Otter
Community Member
3 months ago

I've been deliberately avoiding situations where children could be present ever since I moved out of my parents' place and got to choose. Nobody ever called me out on it! But then, I guess my dislike of children is clear enough that nobody ever formed unrealistic expectations, which seems to be the problem here. WTF is up with parents who think that child-free adults will be delighted to listen to their children scream?

Load More Replies...
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