Our moms knew that when we were sincerely telling them that there was no need for us to go to school anymore because we were in a band now, that wearing fedoras with anime pins was a thing, or that opening a bar in Jamaica with exotic snakes in glass cases was our future career—they really knew it, it would only be a phase. Redditor u/GeorgoyFriendman asked his fellow users of the r/AskReddit community, “What was your biggest/most regrettable 'It’s not a phase, mom. It’s my life.' that, in fact, turned out to be just a phase and not your life?” and the funniest and most hysterical stories poured in.
So if you had an emo ‘phase,’ if you wanted to wear colored contacts but there was nothing wrong with your vision, and if you really thought you were a rapper, check out the best entries and vote for your favorite ones. And then carry on regretting those questionable fashion choices and tramp stamp tattoos.
More info: Reddit
When I was 16, I kept my hair dyed blue, and kept myself fairly busy earning money to keep buying the hair dye so it would stay that way. One summer, one of our cats, a gray and white one, had to have a leg amputated after being bitten by a snake, and I noticed that the skin beneath the fur was the same color, in the same pattern, as her fur had been.
And it was just enough to pass idiot teenage muster.
So, I shaved my head with the intention of getting my entire scalp tattooed blue, thinking that when my hair grew back in, it would be forever blue. I even found a tattoo guy willing to do the job, but only if an experimental square inch worked.
I'm still blonde, but I do have a tattoo on my scalp that's just a blue square.
My mother was too dumbfounded to say anything. And my step dad just walked out onto the back porch to stare into the yard for a while. It was never brought up again once it was clear the experiment didn't work.
I never dyed my hair again after that either.
I was VERY into The Transformers when I was a wee lad in the 1980s. One day, I decided to change my name to the name of my favorite Autobot. My name was lame, and I wanted an awesome Transformer name. And I was VERY insistent that my parents only call me by my new name. Calling me by my 'old' name would cause a big fat tantrum on my part.
So for the better part of a week, my poor parents had to call me Wheeljack.
My friend and I decided we were going to open a bar in Jamaica with exotic snakes in glass cages in the walls at each booth. We convinced ourselves it would be amazing for at least 2 years in college. It was going to be called Fredro's.
My entire family made fun of me for it. Once we got out of college, we realized it was not feasible and joined the office grind. We're also 2 white guys with no ties to Jamaica.
My boyfriend when I sixteen that I swore to god was my soulmate.
I don’t even remember his name now.
I wore a top hat with an anime pin on it for around a year. Met one of my current best friends while wearing it, idk how he could bear to speak to me after that.
Really wanted a horse.
Ridiculously allergic to horses.
Also could not afford a horse.
Acting like a thug ... being 12 years old from a white middle class family but acting like a career criminal, born in the streets, who had done a nickel of hard time in the clink. At the mall on a Friday night giving you the crazy eye with my backward hat and baggy pants.
If someone did actually “try” me we would usually just bump chests and say “do something then” “go head then” “no you do something homie” walking in circles with my hands by my side because I’m more concerned about looking gangster than I am about defending myself. 9/10 times nothing would happen but I would definitely chalk it up as a win for my crew anyway.
Side note tho one of my best homies head butted a guy with terrible head butt technique and it knocked them both unconscious, but because my friend woke up and got up first he declared himself the victor, it was surprisingly hard to argue with that logic.
Also I had my nickname embroidered on my fitted hat from lids “Lil E” but because of the calligraphy style font and bad spacing it appeared to read Lile or Lily as most would pronounce it and that sucked ass ... spent like a whole months allowance on that stupid hat never to be worn again, but also never forgotten by my friends.
Sincerely yours, Lily
Being a mall goth was "just who I am, mom!" I am 34 and no longer a mall goth. But I do still look back fondly at all the stupid s*** I used to wear. It was a lot of fun.
I went through an Eminem phase were I decided to speak more “urban”. It was basically me saying “yo” a lot and making fulsome gestures with my hands. I would work lyrics into my everyday vernacular like “how ELSE do you get to the booty” and “rap god!” Usually they were completely out of context and inappropriate. I called my friends my “peoples”.
I’m cringing into the floor just thinking about it.
Scene fashion. I back-combed my hair to hell and back, and got quite a few facial piercings I still have scars for lol
The worst part was the actual clothes. I still cringe thinking about when I wore these neon blue leopard print leggings with a pink tutu skirt. And all the tacky, cheap beaded jewelry. My mom told me not to leave the house like that and I told her she didn't "get it".
All the cringe.
I had a posh phase once. Spoke in a terrible british accent, put my pinky out while drinking tea, said pardon a lot. My brother told me to stop so i did
I was obsessed with "The Craft" in junior high and was convinced that I was a witch. I basically just drew pentagrams all over my school work and wore a lot of rings on my fingers. That's it.
Just the standard: "I don't NEED to go to school, MUM. I'm in a BAND!"
Then I slipped up and paralysed myself. Had to learn to walk again which took 3 years.
Interestingly, where my parents discouraged me from "wasting time" on gymnastics before the accident, after the accident and my recovery they encouraged me to take it up again... but i cant. The accident and the horror surrounding it still gives me nightmares some nights.
Oh god..... i was a fedora guy once. I hate myself so much for it.
I wanted to be a big-time hero and save the world from every bad thing.
I just play D&D now.
Being a hippie. Still love nature, meditation and the Grateful Dead, but it's nice to have a clear head and a meaningful career.
Trenchcoat phase after I saw the matrix. Turns out a goofy f****** 13 year old doesn't look or feel as bada** in one as Neo does. EDIT: I was a sheltered kid in a sheltered town. I'd heard of Columbine but had not seen the video and had made no connection between the coat and the event.
I have a real whopper.... I loved anime as a teenager. This was in the 90s so it wasn't that mainstream yet. Because I had no interest in anything else, I took a year of Japanese. Then because I STILL had no other ambition or interest, I signed up in the military to go to Japan. For 8 years.
Got out, went to college and because I STILL didn't know what I wanted to do, I studied Japanese. By this time, the interest in anime had worn off, but learning culture and history was cool. So... I went to college to learn Japanese. As a major.
6 goddamned years, a ton of core classes and not a single interest in any other thing. I was "done" with the Japanese language at that point, but because near the end, my class literally couldn't be run without me, I stayed. I stayed because I felt like it would be a waste if I changed it. Like everything I had done up to that point was a lie.
Here I am with a degree in Japanese Language/History and Culture and I'm not at all interested in it anymore.
I'm looking for a real job, have been since I got out of college but for now I work for a temp company for a Japanese air conditioning company.
Ugh. My tramp stamp. Thought it made me look so hot and flirty. Now I'm a professor and always have to wear high waisted pants so none of my students ever see it.
I became extremely religious in my late teen years. Planned on being a missionary to FARC in Colombia kind of extreme. My mother tried to tell me that I might feel differently in the future and to be careful. I screamed that, if anything, I wanted to be MORE extreme.
I run a liquor store now and she is kind enough not to rub my face in it. I think she’s mostly glad I’m not trying to convert godless drug-lord revolutionaries while dodging AK-47 fire.
There was a time in my younger days when i was obsessed with death. I wanted to be a hitman. I had convinced myself that i was gonna be an assassin. That lasted a few months
I went through a weird phase as a child where I almost exclusively watched The Weather Channel for a couple of years. This was back in the early 2000s, when there was no entertainment programming, just repeating news segments and "Local on the 8s," the latter of which I got really excited for. I was also obsessed with watching this stupid slideshow on the local access channel and memorizing the lunch menus for every school in the district.
My mom would get angry at me for doing this. She even took me to see a child psychiatrist, who decided there was nothing wrong with me-- I was just strange. But really, I was absolutely obsessed with PowerPoint. I made all sorts of presentations in my free time, and I was convinced I would become a professional PowerPoint maker, which no one at the time told me wasn't a thing.
It turned out to be a phase because being forced to use PowerPoint today makes me groan... I'd rather spend hours editing a video or writing an essay, especially if that PowerPoint presentation requires an accompanying speech.
I find this phase to be regrettable because I missed a lot of great children's shows of the time, like Lizzie McGuire and As Told By Ginger. I just wanted to watch the most mundane, unmemorable things on TV.
I thought I was asexual cause I'd never liked anyone before and so I told my mom I wanted to grow up and live alone and never find love because people only made you feel worse once they left. Evidently it's worth it and I'm not asexual
I used to button the top buttons of polo shirts
I got really obsessed with being a Christian - buying all the Christianity books, Christian music (like Christian hardcore/ska/pop punk). I joined a methodist church and even got baptised and went to all their mission trips and such.
I'm Jewish lol but I got to go to NYC so _(ツ)_/
Sad part is we still have phases as we age. Hit 40 and I had my first "I'm going to get cancer and die" phase. Little later it was "I'm going to have a heart attack and die phase". I've had friends all seem to go through something similar, that realization of our own mortality.
Plus people my age get wanderlust and chase tail or buy a new sportscar (did neither thankfully).
Being a tattooer. Regrettable because of those poor people who have my awful doodles on their bodies.
I went to a car show once as a teen, and the only newer car there was some chick's PT cruiser. It was hot glittery pink, and at the time I was obsessed. I insisted that one day I would have a hot pink car, with pink seats, pink dash, pink carpets, etc. I was pretty heavily goth at the time, so my parents just rolled their eyes.
Oh god, acting. After years of theater starting in elementary through college, I thought that was it. Loved being on stage. My (Korean) mom would try and bribe me with fast food and other contraband instead of heading out to classes and auditions.
Now I work in IT but still take classes here and there. So, compromise
oh my god I thought I was a redneck (18f). only wore camo, adopted a southern accent, tried trading in my brand new infiniti for a dirt bike... not a good chapter of my life
There was a time when I believed that I wanted to enter seminary and study for the priesthood.
Mom said, "It's a passing fancy. You lead an intensely secular life and are only flirting with the idea because you enjoy time spent at church playing your organ as a lay person."
She was right, but I wouldn't admit it at the moment. By my junior year in high school, the notion had passed.
Wanting colored contacts. My vision was fine, but I wanted purple eyes. I still think it would be cool, but I'm not going out of my way for that.
Dancing to one direction and thinking I'd be in the background of their music video lmao. I actually said that this is going to be my career.
new kids on the block. was a lifestyle.
I never got to experience anything like that as a kid. I suppose the closest thing was back when I got into paintball. I was obsessed. Turns out it was just a 3 year phase since the entire paintball community sort of died off all around the same time.
Wanted to be a wrestler, would put on shows on my trampoline and had a magazine too, never made it to mania
Anime, emo stuff (mcr and the like). I still am mildly into them but nowhere near the levels I used to be. As much as I hate my emo phase, I don’t think I would be who I am now without it. Same goes for anime. (For the record I still love mcr. They’re a great band! I just don’t use them as a substitute for a personality anymore)
My anime phase. I don’t really watch a lot of anime now but I wouldn’t mind watching it from time to time. Especially when I was 13/14 and went through a whole phase of watching this one show and becoming dark because this character was only into dark things and wore the color black all the time. I also remember thinking how super hot he was. Now I don’t ever want to remember this time at all