Summer is definitely the most popular season for weddings in the Earth's northern hemisphere. Despite the ever-changing weather patterns - you might get scorched or wet to your undies from a rainstorm - and swarms of mosquitoes constantly attacking you, it is still better than trying to grip that gold wedding band with your frozen fingers and trying to put it on an equally frigid hand of your chosen one. Fun! You know what could, besides amiable weather, make a wedding that much more fun? Well, funny wedding wishes to congratulate the newlyweds. And with our selection, your audience won’t even need a sip of that special drink beforehand to belly-laugh at these marriage wishes. 

The rules for the perfect marriage wishes are simple - keep it short, sweet, and witty. And while most of us can easily comply with the short part of the rules, a mere Congrats just isn’t sufficient enough. Now, both with sweet and witty, some of us might need help, but hey, that’s what we are here for! And you know, once you add the sweet and the witty to the short - there it is, a perfect wedding wish you won’t be ashamed of dedicating to your just-married friends. And the wishes for newlyweds in our selection work perfectly with these rules, so you’ll have plenty to choose from with no faulty selection! 

So, scroll on down below and check our list of probably the best wedding wishes ever. They are, just as usual, a bit further down - once you are there, do not forget to give the funniest wedding wishes your vote! 

#1

"I will pass on some of my wisdom to you my friend: the most important four words for a successful marriage: "I’ll do the dishes"."

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#2

"Never laugh at her choices. You are her biggest one dude! Congrats for this amazing journey you’re about to witness!"

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Cammy Cat
Community Member
1 month ago

If something needs to be done, just do it. Don't make her/him ask. And don't expect a "Thank you" for doing chores unless u thank her/him when they do it

#3

"Congratulations and a piece of advice: don’t build furniture together if you want this to last!"

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Paul Hansbury
Community Member
1 month ago

And remember: The first time you do something nice you get "Thank you very much!" The second time you do the same thing it's "Oh, you're good at that!" The third time... it's your job.

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#4

"Don't worry, 90% of the marriage will go by saying "WHAT" from another room and am sure you got this! Congratulations people!"

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#5

"Marriage is a bond between a person who never remembers anniversaries and another who never forgets them."

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Cathy Hurd
Community Member
1 month ago

In 34 years I've never remembered our anniversary

#6

"Marriage is like vitamins: we supplement each other’s minimum daily requirements."

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#7

"Congratulations on your wedding, may you always be able to put up with each other!"

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#8

"And now you two have officially become one: one bed, one remote, one bathroom! Congratulations on your union as life partners!"

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#9

"What’s the best way to have your husband remember your anniversary? Get married on his birthday."

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GenXandEarnedItAll
Community Member
1 month ago

Just frame the invitation and give that as a gift....

#10

"Saying I do while getting married is like blindly clicking on the I accept checkbox while installing new software on your computer. You do it despite having no clue of what will come next. Congratulations on getting married."

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#11

"Married life is not for the faint - hearted; just ask my bank account manager! Congratulations!"

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DennyS (denzoren)
Community Member
1 month ago

Twist, the Bank Account Manager is their husband/wife.

#12

"It's a true blessing to know that, for the rest of your life, there's only one special person you want to annoy. Congratulations!"

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#13

"Marriage: Where “Yes Dear” are the magic words."

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Ladybug
Community Member
1 month ago

My youth leader always says that to the boys in the youth group when he says that to his wife :)

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#14

"Why marry when jumping in front of a train is easier and faster?! Just kidding! Hope your wedding finds you smiling!"

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#15

"Getting married is like being in drama school. You get to practice everything from comedy to melodrama to tragedy. Congratulations."

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#16

"Congratulations on getting married to such a beautiful person! Thank you for bringing an absolutely amazing friend to us, now we can finally get rid of you!"

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#17

"Don't mess this up! But in case you do, just know that you can keep my gift... Congrats!"

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#18

"I know a good travel agent if you change your mind? If not, have a wonderful wedding!"

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#19

"Some future advice for the Groom: the most effective way to remember your wedding anniversary is to forget it… once!"

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#20

"Happy wedding day! Now she’s stealing your last name as well as your heart."

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#21

"Congratulations and best of luck on continuing to ignore the little annoying things."

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#22

"Your life had always been a rollercoaster and now am glad you have someone to scream along with you. Congrats bro!"

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#23

"You will have moments when you really love each other… then there will be the rest of the time!"

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#24

"Look at you two getting married, while here I am still swiping right on Tinder! Congratulations, pal"

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DennyS (denzoren)
Community Member
1 month ago

This is a nice one, no negativity.

#25

"Congratulations. You can look forward to everyone asking "when are you going to get married" to stop and "when is the baby due" taking its place."

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Kay Phillips
Community Member
1 month ago

This one is funny as it pokes fun at something actually deserving it

#26

"The only person in the world – your partner who tolerates your annoying relatives, smells your morning breath, sees your worst version and your bad habits, but still loves you. Don’t ever lose [him/her]. Wishing you the best married life."

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#27

"Thank you for inviting us to eat and drink while you guys get married. Congratulations! Lots of love for both of you!"

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#28

"The day he got your Elephant-Ant joke, I knew this was real! Congratulations on finding a man as weird as you."

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Kay Phillips
Community Member
1 month ago

Love this ❤️

#29

"Maybe your "I do" will not cost you- your sanity. Have fun in your married life. Sending my best wishes to both of you at surviving life. May God bless you, dear."

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#30

"Marriage means commitment. Of course, so does insanity. You guys must be truly insane or madly in love."

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Cataploft
Community Member
1 month ago

Or maybe both!

#31

"I know I am going to have an awesome time attending your wedding because I will be reminded of all the money I will be saving by not getting married. Congratulations my best friend!"

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#32

"Being married is like any other job; it helps if you like your boss!"

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#33

"Congratulations on convincing yourself to settle down. May the crazy days start!"

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#34

"I hope you enjoy the circus of this lifetime and make sure to squeeze the fun out of it. Stay in love, stay married. Also - remember to scream whenever it is needed. Love you, tons."

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#35

"We didn’t expect you to be so brave to think about marriage anytime soon, but now here we are! Congratulations for a new life ahead!"

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#36

"I’m happy that you are getting married, but does that mean I have to buy two birthday gifts every year instead of one?"

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#37

"Finally! I mean, yeah, congratulations on your wedding. I hope in your life drama be more comedy than some melodrama. Good luck with everything. Best wishes."

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#38

"Like a well-constructed house, this marriage is built to last. Think of jewelry on birthdays as your insurance."

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#39

"Marriage is the equivalent of signing a marriage contract that does not allow you to renew it every year. Congratulations on a perfect pair."

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Julie Bayard
Community Member
1 month ago

My husband gives me the option to "opt out" every 10 years.

#40

"They say that marriage is a great institution. And much like many types of institutions, you need to be crazy to get into it – Congratulations, you kooks!"

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#41

"Marriage marks the end of a romantic story and the beginning of a prolonged wrestling match. Wishing you the absolute best!"

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#42

"Congratulations on your first adopted baby – your husband!"

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AniaSD
Community Member
1 month ago

Don't like it. Let's not normalize being immature and irresponsible. It's not cute, it's annoying. And also unfair towards the men who can manage the adult stuff just fine, I know quite a few of them.

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#43

"I am happy that you are married now. Congratulations for being expensively stupid."

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DennyS (denzoren)
Community Member
1 month ago

If this is about wedding costs, then yes, fully agreed. Go to the court house or whatever building is responsible in your country, get married for a few bucks...then use the money you saved for a honeymoon or mortgage or anything for the both of you to enjoy.

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#44

"I knew you two were madly in love with each other but didn’t think that you’ll be mad enough to marry. Have a great life ahead."

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#45

"There is nothing worse than a friend getting married. Now my parents have one more reason to coax me into getting married. Congratulations."

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#46

"Do you know what late nights, parties and hanging out with friends on the weekend have in common? You won’t be able to do any of those from now on. Congratulations on your wedding."

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#47

"Dear friend, you always loved adventures but marriage is going to be the biggest one you’ve faced till now! So hang in there! Congratulations to you!"

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#48

"We put the party in the wedding party — looking forward to your wedding. Congrats!"

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#49

"I can see that the two of you are crazy in love with each other... I guess it will probably be complete madness from now on. Happy married life!"

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#50

"Marriage is a three ring circus: engagement ring, wedding ring, and suffering."

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#51

"The only difference between marriage and stupidity is that marriage is expensive while stupidity comes free of cost."

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#52

"I still cannot believe someone willingly married you. Sending all my best wishes and condolences for him to tolerate you 24*7. Hope you have fun together. Love ya."

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#53

"From single to married, from available to busy, from no worries to no money — you sure you want to do this?"

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#54

"Congratulations, my dear friend! It is like a beautiful entry into a maze with no exit. You have to enjoy every bit of the turns even if there is no end."

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#55

"I’ll tell you the secret of a happy marriage. It remains… a secret to all! Wishing you all the best for the times ahead!"

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#56

"You are actually shown some respect when priests ask you to say ‘I do’. Else it’s not that you have any other choice either. Happy married life ahead!"

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#57

"I canceled all my appointments and an important meeting just so that I could make it to your wedding. After all, free food and booze were just too lucrative to give up. Congratulations."

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#58

"Getting married is like becoming a child all over again. Be prepared to learn where to put your towel, how to keep the bathroom clean, and organizing your clothes in the closet. Congratulations."

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Ingrid Nog
Community Member
1 month ago

Actually you only need to learn these chores if you already behave like a child... in which case I don't think you should be getting married at all, LOL.

#59

"They say opposites attract – if that’s the case, this marriage could last for a very long time. Best wedding wishes."

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DennyS (denzoren)
Community Member
1 month ago

Kinda like that post that said if you hate pickles on pizza, find someone who would eat those pickles.

#60

"What do fun with the boys, out on the town, and parties have in common? Three things you won’t be doing after the wedding. Good luck."

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#61

"Getting married is like a class on Shakespeare. You get a little comedy, some romance, and a lot of tragedy. Congratulations."

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DennyS (denzoren)
Community Member
1 month ago

I don't think a marriage is a lot of tragedy if they both want it and work on it every day.

#62

"You make this whole "'til death do us part" thing look a lot more appealing than it sounds. Couldn't be happier for both of you – congratulations!"

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#63

"It is not true that married men live longer than single men. It actually just seems longer."

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#64

"I'm going to tell you the secret to a happy marriage: she's always right! Wishing all the best for the times ahead!"

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#65

"Your wedding marks the end of your love story and the start of a new everlasting headache!"

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DennyS (denzoren)
Community Member
1 month ago

Why are so many negative. I know it is supposed to be funny but they're getting married, be positive and uplifting. (unless something is definitely wrong).

#66

"Never forget these two powerful sentences that can spell the difference between war and peace. Those are "You’re right, dear" and "Okay, buy it"."

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#67

"You are really lucky, as you got an opportunity to choose your prison. Happy wedding! Congratulations my best friend."

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Kay Phillips
Community Member
1 month ago

I hate these jokes about marriage being a prison. You don’t want to, don’t get married, simple; unless it’s an arranged marriage against your will, in which case it definitely shouldn’t be joked about.

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#68

"All weddings are happy. It’s living together afterwards that’s difficult!"

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#69

"Hope you will not grow up just because now you are married. Have a blessed and happy life."

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#70

"Just wanted to remind you that deaf husbands and blind wives make the best pairs. Hope you have a great married life with your partner. Sending you all my best wishes, mate."

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#71

"To the man who couldn’t spring for drinks when he was out with the guys, but is now blowing up his money on his huge wedding, you have left no doubt that you love this girl/guy! Congratulations."

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#72

"Getting married is like being in drama school. You get to practice everything from comedy to melodrama to tragedy. Congratulations on your journey to the theatre!"

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#73

"It's too late to reconsider - welcome to the harrowing world of married life! Congrats!"

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#74

"Marriage is a kind of adventure, just like going to war. Congrats buddy!"

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#75

"I figured you two were crazy in love with each other, but I didn't think you were crazy enough to marry. Have a wonderful future ahead of you."

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#76

"Marriage is just a fancy word for adopting an overgrown male child who cannot be handled by his parents anymore"

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Kay Phillips
Community Member
1 month ago

Geezus f**k, can we stop with treating men like babies? They shouldn’t be getting married in the first place; and there are plenty of capable men out there

#77

"Your kids grow up and move out. Your husband never does. Just sayin’. Best wishes for your wedding."

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#78

"If you were dying to cook for someone your whole life, you could have just come to me! Only kiddin’, congratulations!"

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#79

"Congratulations – you just paid for a whole bunch of your friends and family to have the biggest party of their lives."

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#80

"No lifetime assurance or marriage guarantee is available. Be ready to repair what’s broken when things are going bad, my mate. You’re not permitted to trade him/her in."

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#81

"My daughter, for you to note on your wedding day, here is some valuable information: love will never expire, but it definitely perspires."

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#82

"Daughter, I trust that he will bring you as much joy as you have brought me with you. Perhaps a little bit of exasperation, too, so that you might see what it felt like."

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#83

"Best of luck for your lifetime suffering. Have peace with each other. Congratulations!"

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#84

"Dear friend, congratulations on getting married for real. Hope you speak now or forever hold your peace! May God be with you throughout all the bumpy ride."

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#85

"Congratulations on your nuptials. I am really happy that you have found your person you want to annoy for the rest of your life and be happy about it. Love you two so much."

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#86

"Congratulations for embarking on life’s journey called marriage which is either a two-way street between compromise and sacrifice or a one-way street to divorce."

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#87

"You are so excited to make your partner happy and loved always. Then you will find out that you did nothing but annoy each other instead. Congratulations!"

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#88

"Do you know that you are signing a marriage contract that does not give you the option of renewing it every year! Congratulations on signing your life away."

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#89

"Spending time with friends will now be a distant memory."

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DennyS (denzoren)
Community Member
1 month ago

It's been that way since we left college.

#90

"Your marriage today marks the end of your happy love story and marks the beginnings of your never - ending war. May the best player win."

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#91

"Look, I have a chauffeur and a car ready at the gate if you change your mind. If not, have a wonderful wedding!"

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#92

"There's just one way to have a happy life, and as soon as I figure it out I'll get married again. Until then, I'll let you do the honors. Congrats!"

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#93

"Now you're really excited to make your partner happy and cherished forever. Pretty soon you'll find out that a good chunk of your time will be devoted to annoying each other. Congratulations!"

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#94

"Knowing the entrepreneurial couple that you are, I was wondering if you could give me some insider tips so I can place my bets on how long you both will last? Congratulations for getting hitched."

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#95

"Married life is like enjoying a stroll in the forest. Park of the Jurassic!"

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#96

"Congrats on getting married! You two are now forever entwined with some of the craziest moments. You are going to get fat together, complain and be happy. Awesome!"

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#97

"A couple’s life cycle consists of various stages: dating, loving, marrying, fighting, threatening, and possibly even divorcing. Congratulations on reaching step number three."

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#98

"No one’s ever able to find out a secret about happy married life. I guess it doesn’t even exist. Happy Married Life Brother!"

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#99

"You haven’t just tied the knot with your wife today, you have tied ropes on your legs too. Congratulations on your wedding."

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#100

"If all you wanted was bondage, you could have looked for a less permanent one than marriage – a 5 years FD maybe? Just kidding, have a happy married life man!"

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#101

"Don't forget, one person is always right in the marriage. If you're a husband, it's not you. This advice will make your life much easier. Congrats on your wedding!"

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#102

"On this planet, friend, two things are not for sissies: getting married and growing older. Good luck with all of these!"

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#103

"No amount of wishes or luck will protect you from the painful life of slavery you are about to start as a husband. Congratulations anyway."

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Kay Phillips
Community Member
1 month ago

This isn’t even funny, this is horrible... how could anyone think it’s a good idea to write this?!

#104

"Your laughter will be dead, your rejoicing will be nullified. There’s going to be just one voice at home now, and that is of your wife’s. Happy married life!"

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#105

"Marriage – the lone warfare where you have to sleep with your enemy and the next day you have to talk happily without caring how much you were disturbed last time. Good luck. Happy marriage."

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#106

"In the circus of life, you may have lived like a lion so far. But your wife, the new circus master will tame you into a domesticated cat in no time. Good luck with your tightrope act."

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#107

"Well, now it’s the beginning of the end for you. No more beers, no more night out with the guys but at least you have a loving wife. Congrats!"

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#108

"Congratulations on your wedding day… I haven’t bothered buying you both a present. It would just be something else to fight over when you get divorced!"

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Kay Phillips
Community Member
1 month ago

How gauche to mention divorce on the wedding day

#109

"In life, we should always keep our eyes wide open. However, after marriage, it‘s better to close them! Congratulations and Good Luck!"

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#110

"On your wedding day, I would like to disclose the secret to a happy married life… well it is such a secret that no one knows it. Here’s wishing you both a very happy married life."

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#111

"What do late - night parties, outing with friends and lazy weekends have in common? They all disappear after you get married. So cheers to this new chapter!"

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ButterflyMcQueen
Community Member
1 month ago

This is a big fat lie. 23 years and counting 😊

#112

"Whatever you may look like, marry a man your own age – as your beauty fades, so will his eyesight."

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#113

"I hope you both have signed the pre-nup on who gets which side of the bed before you took the pheras. Congratulations lovers!"

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#114

"Get yourself plain, and don’t mumble. Stand high, just don’t crumble down. Brother, you have to get ready to rumble!"

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#115

"May your day be extra special and pleasant – for the real work starts tomorrow!"

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#116

"Enjoy today as much as you can, because after that, the carefree life will be demolished. Have a great wedding day."

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#117

"Marriage – a temporary period of happiness, then it becomes complicated because you have seen the dream of fairy and you find a phantom at the end. Good Luck! Enjoy your time."

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#118

"Welcome to the world of emotional psychodrama, enjoy being a participant of this session. May God bless you, dear."

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#119

"Can’t believe that a great wise hunter like you can get hunted. Thank God for the young girls in the community; now they can walk freely. Happy married life, naughty friend."

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#120

"No amount of wishes or luck is can protect you from the life of servitude that you are about to begin as a husband. Congratulations anyway, buddy."

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#121

"Friend, the only time you go on a cruise ship is for a honeymoon and come back on a warship."

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#122

"My son, I just want you to know that the veils have been invented so that the groom can’t see in the eyes of the bride all the schemes going on."

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#123

"This mother doesn’t want some drama here! Keep your bridezilla on you. My daughter!"

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#124

"Welcome to the risky married world of the living. It is too late for you to apologize! Have an extraordinary journey!"

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#125

"Jumping from a running train is easier than standing by the married life. Anyway, I wish you all the best for your life."

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#126

"I never knew that people were “falling” in love. It seems like you should cautiously walk in so that you can see what you are walking into. Anyway, happy wedding day, my boy."

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#127

"It’s time for your mouth to shut and your eyes to open. Marriage is a complete surprise at all times. Good luck making changes, my friend."

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#128

"Congratulations on your success; at last, the hunter hunted the duck. Wishing you a very happy married life ahead."

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#129

"Welcome to the public washroom of marriage, now you are in the queue of those who are desperate to come out. Have a wonderful married life."

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#130

"Marriage – the lone warfare where you have to sleep with your enemy and next day you have to talk happily without caring how much you were disturbed last time. Good luck. Happy Marriage."

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#131

"When you are getting ready to get married, the first thing you sacrifice is your freedom without any life commitment. Warm up, for there is more to come. Warmest wishes."

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