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Hey Pandas, What Are Some Red Flags That People Ignore?
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Sometimes, you apply for a job or go on a date and there are huge red flags that you should notice, but most people ignore them. Post those here!
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Not liking or abusing animals
I will smack a person when I see animal abuse. Including a woman, tell me I’m wrong.
If your partner is agressive with others or jealous way too easily.
Regarding work; ask the boss about employees during your interview - how long have they worked there for example. If people quit after a short time - it should tell you something.
When a friend makes mean jokes about you aka bullies you and passes it off as their sense of humor. I don´t mean playful teasing either- I mean when they basically try to make you feel awful about yourself for fun
they constantly tear you down, say sorry, then go right back to doing it. this is also a family issue , if someone does this, try to get help :(
If your partner doesn't stop something you specifically told them to
Going through your phone, it's a complete invasion of privacy
I’m lucky, I don’t care if my wife goes through my phone. I’m golden
When they put the guilt for a problem they created on you and/or blame their bad actions / decisions on what you did to them to act that way.
Either they want you to feel guilty or push you in a defensive postition to cut off criticism aimed at them
Racism
"There are only two things I can't stand in this world: People who are intolerant of other people's cultures and the Dutch." Nigel Powers.
People who talk smack about someone and then immediately go hang out with them. High chance that they're doing that to you as well.
When that glass of wine becomes two, then more than two, then you start finding empty bottles in the morning...and they say pass it off as "you had some too" when you know you didn't.
People seem to equate that time passed = being forgiven for being a shitty person. For example people who keep demanding you to lend them money every now and then but don't pay it back.
"He only hit me once/she only hit me once/they only hit me once"
Be wary of roommates, partners and friends who want to put bills and/or charges in your name and will 'give you the cash' or pay you back. Whether it's utilities or a phone, it's usually a sign they have bad credit if they can't get it themselves. It seems like common sense but it's the #1 thing that people go to court over and it's shocking how many people I know who buy their boyfriends phones or let them borrow some money with the intention of paying it back but never get anything in writing. Make sure you have something in writing. If they refuse to sign it or make a big deal out of it, it's a huge red flag. Same with major business that will only accept cash, like car dealerships. They may be trying to scam you. Make sure money doesn't leave your hand until a receipt is given and make sure that receipt is detailed with exactly what is paid for and how much is left to pay, or paid in full is written on it with the date. A generic piece of paper won't hold up in court. Make sure it's signed and/or has the business letterhead.
Oh f**k. I've seen my exes friends do this to him to the point they screwed up this credit and he ended up getting collection calls. I'll never do this. EVER.
Red flag on medical personnel: If they don't examine you while paying attention to *your words only*. If they're on a phone or talking to your partner, bail. B/c they're not caring about you.
If they arn't there when you need them, you don't need to be there when they need you.
That might make sense but sometimes people avoid you... not because they don't care but because they don't know how to handle a situation. I have seen this first hand when my husband passed away. They don't know what to say or what to do to make you feel better and that frustrates them. Think about it...
People who are mean or rude to service staff. Weather it’s retail workers or Waiters or waitresses. How someone interacts with others really reveals their true character and how they may eventually treat you.
If you have a fight and instead of trying to talk it out and resolve the problem, they throw insults and say mean things just to hurt you. Then when it's over they say "oh, baby, I'm so sorry, I didn't mean those things I said!" Nah, don't believe it, get out while you can.
They never try to start a conversation with/ask questions about you. They will eventually start ignoring you. (Another red flag for me is when they make fun of peoples(or fictional characters) neurodivergent traits)
Dating Red Flag: If the person speaks of their Ex and NEVER says a single nice thing about them.
If you just feel generally uneasy around someone (this goes for anyone, romantic interest or otherwise)
Other person keeps forcing their social and moral views on you and does not want civil discussion.
You believe in God? Good for you and none of my business.
You don’t believe? Good for you and none of my business.
No one should harass one another because of belief.
That funny smell coming up from the basement...
It depends on who it is. Leatherface? Hell yeah, I love all of the Leatherfaces (Bubba and Tommy the most) Anyone else, I'm gonna just- leave-
"You take yourself too seriously."/"You can't take a joke."
Especially when they've said or done something to hurt you and are deflecting responsibility.
I've been hearing this since I was a small child from adult men. If you have to tell a five-year-old that she takes herself too seriously and can't take a joke, you might be the one with the problem, bub. These are also usually the dudebros that would interrupt me when I was reading in public to lecture me about being a snob.
We are from the government, and we are here to help!
Nothing is ever their fault, from getting fired to divorces.
This is an enormous, glowing neon, scary red flag and you need to RUN…possibly for your life!
Saying (whining), "I need this", when pushing you into sexual acts that you don't actually want to to.
My ex actually yelled at me once "Why do you keep making me feel bad about what I want!" Well, sweetie, when what you want causes me pain and trauma and you force it, yeah, that's sexual assault. So sorry to "make you feel bad" about what would be considered attempted rape in a court of law.
Edit. That one is personal.
When partner/friend/family member forces you to wear clothes you don't like/don't feel confortable in because THEY think it looks good on YOU.
If you don't like what you're wearing, then it DOES NOT suit you. YOU, and only YOU should decide if it looks good or not.
As far as health care providers, little white lies. They may be small but they indicate a much bigger issue with ethics.
I consider Veterinarians health care workers and I’m sick of the up selling. I take my dog in for an eye infection, before we’re in the waiting room I’m told we will need blood work and observation. They want the bill at 400 before I’m in the little room. 50 dollar eye drops and 200 for a vet to say eye infection. Question treatments, they play off the fact you’ll do anything for your puppy.
If they burn a lot of bridges. I once dated a girl who would permanently cut anyone out of her life at the slightest offense. There was no sense of forgiveness, patience, or giving people the benefit of the doubt. As soon as they said or did something she didn't like, she would chew them out, call them liars and a**holes, and tell them they were dead to her and they should never speak to her again. Of course, to hear her tell it, she was the innocent victim in every instance. She burned so many bridges that she eventually had to move to a different city to get away from all her "enemies"
Teasing. There is no such a thing as "good-natured ribbing" or "just making a joke" or "having fun". Teasing is - SIMPLY - insulting and degrading another WITHOUt taking responsibility for his or her actions. (Special burning-hot red-flag for parents who tease their children.)
you ask them why they love you. they only say you're beautiful. got rid of him last month when i realised i was a trophy gf. girls and gays, look out.
When EVERYTHING about their ex(s) is awful. All the while claiming zero responsibility.
They are ALWAYS the victim and/or hero.
Laughing off their words and actions from a fight.
Constant bragging about their brawn and brains.
Expecting "favors" from gifts.
Pretends to like people.
Your job, time, family and ANYTHING else you value is insignificant to them.
Dishonesty, white lies about anything/anybody.
They are are the good child of the family
Superficial~Needs to buy the best even when can't afford
if they make there problems your problems by saying things like
"i thought you cared"
and also if they threatean to hurt you or themselves if you dont continue going out with them
mainly though: if they are really controlling
When someone complains that everybody is against them... usually they're the problem.
Paranoia. Maga’s. Conspiracy. 34 ish percent of voters. Like a pebble in the shoe or a splinter in the hand. Just GO AWAY!
When he always wants to know where you are and what you are doing. And the reason he gives is that he cares about you and wants you to be safe. No. That is controlling behavior. You don't have to text the minute you arrive or leave somewhere or answer texts within 20 minutes. In a good relationship you trust one another.
Your are dating someone who is married or supposedly committed to another person. If they will cheat on their wife/husband/partner, they will cheat on you. You are not special.
if they pretend to be intrested but actually dont like you and pretend to date you for a while just so they can go
"did you really think i liked you"
Normalizing getting only the best of grades, no matter what is going on in your personal lives.
In my family, you are supposed to get only A's and B's
When a potential partner is used to having their mum do everything for them.
Oh good lord, are there still people like this? Are there still mums who are coddling the children into useless slugs?
When they try to take your mental health down with theirs. One of my ex-friends tried to do this to me and my friends. Our entire relationship was like a list of things that makes someone a toxic friend.
I could write a book about this. Just because I tell (said) you, "If you need me, I am here." Does not mean to drop all of your emotional baggage on me, and do not listen to sound advice. Especially without asking me if I am available or how I am doing or never checking in on me. Just always taking and using and dumping (said) your life problems on me...
When people say’.it was a long time ago’ relating to a bad experience you had in the past. SORRY, if I still remember it as awful albeit ages ago it doesn’t mean we can forgive stuff from so long ago. Love from bitter and twisted.
dating someone just for something they have and not for the person themselves
If your new boyfriend wants to spend every waking moment with you and is upset when you spend time with friends w/o him. It's not romantic, it's controlling. Run.
I pray that so many Teens/Young Women see this and have someone tell them this. It would save so many of our Young Women/Teens.
Being rude to waiters/waitresses. If they are rude to them they will be rude to you.
your partner saying, "If you love me, you will do..." so on so forth.
People don't realize how toxic narcissistic people can be, and I full-well think people ignore the red flags when they come across one. Narcissistic tendencies of flamboyancy in front of friends. This can be especially when the narcissist is with their partner or kids. They do not want anyone else in their group to get more attention than them. They'll be hyper-expressive, over enunciate their words, speak louder than anyone else in the room, move around a lot, fuss with every little detail, interrupt, direct the conversation to themselves constantly, and not allow anyone else chime in for long periods.
If their kids/spouse, or anyone they use as a scapegoat, tries to join in the socializing the narcissist will snap their name and scold them for trying to have a normal 2 way conversation, leaving guests bewildered and confused, and afraid to speak anymore to that person.
People ignore this red flag and think the narcissist is just trying too hard to be a good host and sociable. At the same time not feeling too good about the visit.
If your family and friends don't like the guy. A green flag is when you start a new relationship and your family and friends keep remarking on how much happier you are.
I have two daughters. I have impressed upon them that any potential boy who expresses interest in them must pass the "tion-test". It is a four pronged test. The boy should have an education, occupation, transportation and motivation to be something better than what they are today. A failure in any one prong is an automatic failure of the test and he isn't worth thier time!
I don't agree. At least not all four. Education ✅️ Occupation (one can be inbetween jobs, but still...) ✅️ , Transportation (there are people using public transportation their entire life, depending where you live, so...)❌️ , and if you very much love what you do, are happy with it and good at it, you DON'T have to aspire to be better than you are now! So ❌️ to the last "prong"
There's a song called "Cult of Personality" by Living Colour that basically tells you how people get suckered. I can't believe a metal song from the 80s has more wisdom than so many people today. Google the lyrics and tell me I'm wrong.
When your partner abuses you and forces you to sexual content. They will say sorry, but they won’t stop doing it. If this happens,
breakup or get divorce papers.
Sudden mood swings, gaslighting and dog whistle behavior that are designed to keep you off base and on the back foot. Soon, everything will be "your fault" and they'll need to control you "for your own good".
If you have a good relationship with your parents and all your other friends get along with them, but your prospective partner is really uncomfortable with the idea of being around them and avoids meeting them or talking to them.
If they complaining about earlier consultants/staff/contractors. Ask exactly why they were not happy with whoever they are complaining about. If the answer sounds like b******t, just walk away.
A giant red flag in any relationship, whether it’s with a family member, partner, friend, etc., is that person doing really hurtful things, like saying your a mistake, and then like 5 minutes later after their done talking their like “I love you, you know that?” I’ve experienced that so many times in my life, and I’m honestly really done with it.
Knowing he was actually involuntarily committed for "Medicine adjustment"
Jaywalking.
If possible, I always cross without making anyone wait. It is safer, too.
They run off 2hen they start to loose in an argument
The flag of China
"Can-you-please-take-my-shift-or-doing-my-work-you-are-so-good!" Without being paid extra for it.
When you first meet a woman if one of the first questions she asks is "So, what do you do for a living" or some variation on that.
When problems seem to follow you everywhere… actually, you’re the problem.
The signs that tell people to wear a f****** mask
I take this back. This was meant as a joke. I have a strange sense of humor. I'm sorry for the ones who got offended. I apologize!
