Kids are not for everyone. Yet, many default to expecting people to start procreating once they settle down, even insisting that those who claim not to want children will surely someday change their minds. Especially women.

But there are plenty of valid reasons for living child-free. And if a person doesn't want to commit to spending around 18 years of their life caring for another human being whose well-being depends entirely on them, maybe we shouldn't force them into it? Regardless of whether or not they belong to the heteronormative part of society.

Drawing attention to the problem, Redditor AGstudios22 asked other platform users who don't plan on having kids what made them come to that conclusion, and we thought that reading through the answers can provide you with quite a few interesting insights, regardless of your own position.

#1

Someone Asks "What Makes You Not Want To Have Kids?" And 30 People Deliver Sincere Answers From my own experience, I don’t like the thought of bringing a kid into the world we live in. I’d much sooner adopt a kid who’s in a shifty place or in a struggling area. There are millions of kids starving out there, there are millions of kids being abused out there. Rather save one of them than bring another kid into this retched place

Red_Archived_505 , vperemen.com Report

Jay Kay
Community Member
2 months ago

This!

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#2

I really, really don't want to be a parent and I feel like that should at the very least be a prerequisite to having them. My grandmother didn't seem to enjoy parenthood, my mom certainly didn't. They did it because they were "supposed to". I'm breaking the cycle.

theredheaddiva Report

Well-Dressed Wolf
Community Member
2 months ago

I’ve occasionally questioned my normal-ness: shouldn’t every healthy adult animal want to perpetuate the species, at least a little? Shouldn’t I have instincts to reproduce? But I don’t XD I want cats and dogs!

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#3

Someone Asks "What Makes You Not Want To Have Kids?" And 30 People Deliver Sincere Answers Selfishness. I like the freedom of being able to wake up or go wherever i want without worrying “whos gonna watch my kids” or “my kids are awake so i have to be awake” so i guess I value my personal freedom more then anything a child could provide me

WhyAmIEvenHereJesus , Nina Uhlíková Report

Tilly Jean
Community Member
2 months ago

It concerns me that it is often regarded as ‘selfishness’. Your entire life is changed, completely. There is nothing wrong with looking after ‘you’. There are enough children in the world, focus on being a better human being for yourself, so the your own freedoms.

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#4

Someone Asks "What Makes You Not Want To Have Kids?" And 30 People Deliver Sincere Answers The fact that nothing really makes me WANT to have them. I feel like you should have an overwhelming desire to become a parent - I don’t, so why would I have a kid?

pupsnpogonas , Nataliya Vaitkevich Report

Tilly Jean
Community Member
2 months ago

Good point. You need to be wanting kids 100%. You can’t take it back. Plus it’s important that a child is brought into the world and know they are absolutely wanted.

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#5

You know when you are out in public, and you see parents of children and immediately think, "Those people should have never had kids."?

That's me. I'm those people. Not only do I agree with you, I also took your advice.

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Iifa A.
Community Member
2 months ago

Yes! I'm also one of those people, and I'm taking your advice further and will cross the road over to escape children.

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#6

Can I answer even though I have them?

The fact that I have them makes me not want them.

I love my kids and will lay down my life for them, but raising kids SUCKS!

They financially, physically and mentally suck the life out of you.

Sure they have their moments but there is nothing rewarding about raising kids, the only thing you get in return is judgement and premature aging.

I don't regret having them, but man I'll be celebrating hard when they're adults and leave home.

MelDea Report

V33333P
Community Member
2 months ago

Thank you for being honest with your experience. Seriously

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#7

Someone Asks "What Makes You Not Want To Have Kids?" And 30 People Deliver Sincere Answers Well the total lack of wishing to have a child. Zero desire. Just like I have no desire to have a pet rhino or become a lawyer.

Gyunda , Andrea Piacquadio Report

Jaguarundi
Community Member
2 months ago

I watched my friends, single moms, with their kid issues. Kid's sick? I have to call out from work. School issue? I have to go see to that. Groceries? I have to make sure the kid has appropriate food, I may have to eat ramen myself though. I was never ready to make those kinds of decisions. Even two parent households had a lot to shovel through with just one kid. No thanks, I'm good by myself.

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#8

Someone Asks "What Makes You Not Want To Have Kids?" And 30 People Deliver Sincere Answers I can barely take care of myself sometimes it feels like, can’t possibly take on another human. More selfishly there’s still a lot of things I want to do that I couldn’t if I had a kid. Lastly, just a pessimistic view of the world and the desire to not want to bring new life into that.

gnophy , Sharon McCutcheon Report

Tilly Jean
Community Member
2 months ago

It’s not considered selfish if you’re choosing to look after yourself. Also, you’re thinking of the sorry world that hypothetical child will be left with in the future.

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#9

Someone Asks "What Makes You Not Want To Have Kids?" And 30 People Deliver Sincere Answers Not wanting to pass on genetic chronic pain/mental illness. Also kids = no money

JamesBlonde21 , Andrea Piacquadio Report

Ozacoter
Community Member
2 months ago

This is really important. Many illneses are inheritable but it is so normalised to have biological kids that many knew the risk and still choose to have kids. Knowing that they might live in pain for their entire life. There are alternatives like egg/sperm donnors or adoption that at least avoid the genetic issues. I cannot resoect a person that will force their diseases on a child just because they want a bio kid.

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#10

Someone Asks "What Makes You Not Want To Have Kids?" And 30 People Deliver Sincere Answers The screaming in the next aisle over at the grocery store because they can't have the <insert item> they want.

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Błażej Kowalczyk
Community Member
2 months ago

Oh my god, this

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#11

Someone Asks "What Makes You Not Want To Have Kids?" And 30 People Deliver Sincere Answers I've just never wanted any. I never played with baby dolls as a child, I never thought twice about babysitting as a teen, and I was always uncomfortable whenever people said "*when* you have kids" (as opposed to "*if*").

I never found babies cute, I can't imagine spending 24/7 with a little human, and most of all the idea of being responsible for this little creature's happiness and growth, and making sure they become a decent, functioning human being, is *incredibly* intimidating.

Mwuuh , ANTONI SHKRABA Report

V33333P
Community Member
2 months ago

Yeah I won't lie, I find babies just downright creepy looking and their smell is in no way pleasant to me

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#12

Someone Asks "What Makes You Not Want To Have Kids?" And 30 People Deliver Sincere Answers After what’s going on in America right now I’m considering getting my tubes tied

allero0 , Ted Eytan Report

Ozacoter
Community Member
2 months ago

For all people considering it the subreddit "childfree" has a huge and international list of sterilisation friendly doctors.

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#13

Someone Asks "What Makes You Not Want To Have Kids?" And 30 People Deliver Sincere Answers I've been dealing with a mentally disabled older brother for nearly all my life. He's 32 yrs old, but acts like a 7 yr old nearly ALL the time. I love him to death, but after so long of dealing with him growing up (I'm 22), I just do not have the patience to handle something like that again.

VanessaClarkLove replied: This is my big one. I feel terrible for this, but the fear of having a child that isn’t going to grow into a fully independent person with no limitations stopped me dead. If there was a guarantee they would be of average mental capability, I might reconsider.

MajesticxFlan , Nathan Anderson Report

Kate Jones
Community Member
2 months ago (edited)

You know, at least as someone with handicapped issues, it's understandable (and often challenged people hold down jobs and can take care of themselves well!). What's worse- and a big fear for me- is when you have a fully functional adult child who doesn't take care of themselves. You see it all the time; grown adults still living at home and can't hold down a full time job, these man-babies/ princesses who are taken care of by pushover parents. I don't mean someone who's in college and paying rent is still young and figuring things out, etc. I mean these people who still act like children when they're 30 and yell at their parents from their smelly and messy basement rooms, depressive and being willfully unhealthy or becoming drug addicts and being THAT kind of burden is a fear for some people, too. I hate to say it this way, but having loser kids is a legit fear. It's hard to live with someone who enjoys victimhood or is in an out of rehab. You shouldn't go into it thinking it's an 18 year commitment; it's possibly a lifetime commitment.

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#14

*gestures wildly* the state of the f*****g world, maybe?

It’s irresponsible to bring a child into the world not knowing if you can provide for them a happy, healthy childhood. And as an American, I just can’t envision a future where my next of kin doesn’t suffer terribly for the economic and ecological blunders of our leadership.

Clockw0rk Report

that_curly_girl 🇺🇦
Community Member
2 months ago

this!

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#15

Someone Asks "What Makes You Not Want To Have Kids?" And 30 People Deliver Sincere Answers My ex who said "now you can't leave me"

Between_the_narrows , Guillaume de Germain Report

Suzanne Tilson
Community Member
2 months ago

Good to know ex is in their title now

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#16

Someone Asks "What Makes You Not Want To Have Kids?" And 30 People Deliver Sincere Answers The vast majority of parents I meet complain subtley about having children and how much of a struggle it is, how expensive it is, how they get no sleep, no free time etc.

Then, they usually realise they can't be seen to complain about having children and finish their complaints by saying "But its the best thing I ever did." This part always feels like the least genuine bit and everything before feels like the truth.

Furthermore, one of my best friends has a child and spoke candidly about it, saying "I love him to bits but wish I hadn't have had a kid."

Source: Im a teacher who deals with kids and parents daily.

TheHawk17 , Ksenia Chernaya Report

Glitterati
Community Member
2 months ago (edited)

Two things can be true at once. You can love your child fiercely but also wish they’d sleep past 5am 😄

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#17

Someone Asks "What Makes You Not Want To Have Kids?" And 30 People Deliver Sincere Answers Because all the "best" kid moments to me are not worth losing the ability for my husband and I to spontaneously take off a random Wednesday from our jobs, have some THC, and enjoy the 1200$ Xbox bundle we just got.

Which is what we did today. No ragrets.

GirlNamedTex , cottonbro Report

Sarah Kathrin Matsoukis
Community Member
2 months ago

* happy playstation noises *

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#18

World's overpopulated, would rather rescue a kid from the system

dw87190 Report

Suzanne Tilson
Community Member
2 months ago

Those poor souls need so much love, and the government wants to add to their ranks instead of letting same sex couples have them

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#19

Someone Asks "What Makes You Not Want To Have Kids?" And 30 People Deliver Sincere Answers - history of severe life altering mental health issues I would NEVER wish to risk passing on (bi-polar, clinical depression, psychosis etc) my Mother and Grandmother on her side. Somehow I seem to have turned out okay but it meant I had a really difficult upbringing, but I would hate to go through what she does and don't want to risk passing it on.

- Lack of freedom / spontaneity. My fiancé and I are like adult children, we're in our 30's and love to play computer games, go out for random ice cream at 11pm, last minute overseas holidays, go out for meals etc whenever we want, I do not want to give that up. A holiday with a child sounds like a chore to me too. Every outing has to be calculated and organised, a simple trip to the store is now a huge chore and time consuming.

- Loss of self, I don't want to become "Mummy" and nothing else. (Not saying that's what happens to everyone, but I feel some people get lost in their kids and lose all sense of themselves as their world now revolves around their children, which is understandable).

- Cost. I do not want to struggle financially, I absolutely cannot afford children and I think it is selfish to have them when you can't provide for them appropriately. Unlike some childfree people, I don't want to put all my focus into my career, I have an average job, it pays enough, without kids I am able to have a comfortable life but I also LOVE my job and am happy. If I had kids we would have to change careers or get second jobs, which I am not willing to do.

- No experience with kids, I don't know what to do with them our how to talk to them. (Please note, I don't hate kids at all, I just don't want any am and awkward with them) I have zero first cousins, my brother is also child free so no nieces or nephews, I've always been awkward around kids even as a kid, and knew from quite a young age parenthood wasn't for me. I do not feel like I have a maternal instinct at all. I do not get giddy seeing babies, but show me a puppy and i'll be melting!

- Lack of sleep, stress. I want a peaceful and somewhat simple life. I enjoy quiet, I enjoy alone time, I enjoy my sleep. Children to not align with that whatsoever.

- Affect on relationship. Children can ruin relationships, it's not their fault but they do. Lack of intimacy, lack of quality time, financial issues causing problems etc. This is something people can work through, but I don't want to risk putting a strain on my relationship as things are perfect for us as they are.

- Risk of severe disability. I absolutely am not willing to look after a severely disabled child for the rest of my life. I have seen how absolutely broken some of these parents are. I saw 2 people yesterday who were clearly husband and wife in their 70's pushing around what appeared to be their profoundly disabled 40ish year old son. That is not the life I am willing to have, but I also don't want to put myself in a position to have to give a child up for adoption.

Sserenityy , Kelly Sikkema Report

Glitterati
Community Member
2 months ago

Very valid points ☝️

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#20

Someone Asks "What Makes You Not Want To Have Kids?" And 30 People Deliver Sincere Answers I have tokophobia (extreme fear of pregnancy).

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I’ve Seen Things
Community Member
2 months ago

Cannot upvote this enough! Catholic all girls school run by nuns, where it was rammed home that the worst thing that can happen to you was teenage pregnancy. Classmates also amplified this “fear” and judgement. For some of us, this fear stuck for life not just the school years. I’ve been explaining/citing tokophobia for decades.

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#21

Someone Asks "What Makes You Not Want To Have Kids?" And 30 People Deliver Sincere Answers Honestly, TikTok etc..

I can raise a kid how I think right but there’s only so much you can shield them from the internet and I’m scared of what the future holds with celebrity/influencer brainwashing culture.
I feel like my generation (early 90’s) was the last generation that was largely safe from this..

AtasHRC , McKaela Taylor Report

Random Panda
Community Member
2 months ago

I feel this so much. I want kids, but this is something that really worries me about how I'm going to raise them. The Internet is as harmful as it is useful.

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#22

I find them annoying.

Also I have no paternal instinct, don't have the temperament to be a good parent, and I'm poor.

It would be unfair to any child to have me imposed on them as a parent.

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Bellala
Community Member
2 months ago

Most kids are pretty annoying tbh...

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#23

Someone Asks "What Makes You Not Want To Have Kids?" And 30 People Deliver Sincere Answers Those kids who have parents that are perfectly normal but still somehow act like mini serial killers.

mikmikthegreat , EKATERINA BOLOVTSOVA Report

Well-Dressed Wolf
Community Member
2 months ago

Children are born without ethics and morals pre-installed. Of course they’re tiny sociopaths until their parents teach them better… and sometimes, not even normal/good parents can teach them better because the kids don’t WANT to learn society’s rules and conform to them.

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#24

Someone Asks "What Makes You Not Want To Have Kids?" And 30 People Deliver Sincere Answers my mental health and financial situation. i wouldn’t want to raise a kid the same way i was raised.

badasslexxc , Ron Lach Report

🦋vall🦋シ︎
Community Member
2 months ago

This!

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#25

It costs too much. The average birth costs like 40k without complications. Decent daycare near me is $1400 a month. That alone is crippling.

It's bad for the environment and I question the morality of putting my children through the potential climate wars and/or apocalypse.

Also, sometimes despite your best efforts and doing everything correctly, your kids turn out to be a**holes.

cavemanfitz Report

Panda Kicki
Community Member
2 months ago

The cost issue is really dependent on where you live. We have free maternal care and delivery in Sweden and the max cost of daycare is about 150 dollars for the first kid and cheaper for siblings. (Sweden)

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#26

Someone Asks "What Makes You Not Want To Have Kids?" And 30 People Deliver Sincere Answers I’ve been clinically depressed for almost a decade. Post partum depression is one of the things that terrifies me about the prospect of having kids. Also I am in no way mentally stable enough to be a parent.

LillFluffPotato , Sarah Chai Report

Glitterati
Community Member
2 months ago

Pregnancy and childbirth gave me severe ptsd. I had PPD and anxiety. I can’t have any more children due to the impact on my mental health. The struggle is real. I still wouldn’t change a thing as my child is the love of my life but if I had never known that love I wouldn’t miss it.

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#27

Someone Asks "What Makes You Not Want To Have Kids?" And 30 People Deliver Sincere Answers Watching my sister's kid get kicked out of daycare for slamming a kids face into a table and hitting a teacher. he's 3, and the most difficult kid I've met.

ToeMahSick , Mick Haupt Report

CatGirl
Community Member
2 months ago

I don't know that I've ever hated something as much as I've hated the difficult kids I've taught. Just little animals.

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#28

I love my kids but they completely ruined my life and i don't advocate for anyone to have them

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YouKiddingMe
Community Member
2 months ago

How did they ruin it?

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#29

Someone Asks "What Makes You Not Want To Have Kids?" And 30 People Deliver Sincere Answers My neighbor has 7 of them. The only form of communication in that house is screaming. The teenage boy just screamed in the middle of my typing this. Kid is absolute s***e at whatever game he's trying to play. My work meetings are constantly interrupted by his whiny cursing/crying sessions.

QuackWaddleflow , Anna Shvets Report

CatGirl
Community Member
2 months ago

God, that sounds awful. I'd try to live somewhere else.

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#30

Someone Asks "What Makes You Not Want To Have Kids?" And 30 People Deliver Sincere Answers Pregnancy.
I’ve always been terrified of pregnancy, but I thought I’d feel more comfortable with it as I got older.
Nope. I’m 34 and the thought of being pregnant still freaks me out to no end. I’d love to adopt, but I don’t think I ever want to be pregnant.

Ilovethecolourred , Cparks Report

Marianne
Community Member
2 months ago

Adoption is so important! Pregnancy is not necessary to be a loving parent!

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