For some people, Christmas is the biggest, most festive and happiest time of the year because they get to spend some time with their families that they can’t see more often. And even though most often the word family has a positive connotation, causing warm feelings, not everyone shares the same experience.

So the holiday season for them causes more anxiety and stress than happiness. But when you become an adult, you can choose to not go back to the place where you felt unwanted, were abused or not understood.

It’s not a sin to dislike your family or relatives and not want to see them on holidays when doing something else would bring you more joy. That actually happens not as rarely as you would think. Reddit user JustBo-Lieve asked “What’s your ‘that’s why I don’t go home for the holidays’ story?” and people shared what bothered them so much about their families that they don’t want to see them ever again.

More info: Reddit

#1

Someone In This Online Group Asked, “What’s Your ‘That’s Why I Don’t Go Home For The Holidays’ Story?” And 30 Folks Delivered My parents are super religious and only want me to come home if I stop "choosing" to be gay, so I spend the holidays with my girlfriend's family instead.

copperboomed , Phil! Gold Report

WilvanderHeijden
Community Member
4 months ago

Proper response: I stop being gay if you stop being the religious twats that you are.

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#2

Someone In This Online Group Asked, “What’s Your ‘That’s Why I Don’t Go Home For The Holidays’ Story?” And 30 Folks Delivered Not my family, but my wife's side of the family. I refuse to attend any of their holiday get-togethers. She's from a small town in Western Missouri named Boonville and I lived in the Saint Louis area most of my life. I guess me being a Saint Louis city slicker was just too much for her family. As my wife was introducing me to her extended family I hear someone say "look at him all dressed up nice and fancy, I bet you're one of those city folk who voted for that n word Obama." I just looked at my wife like "please get me out of this hillbilly hell..." I've never gone back. Yeeeeeehaaawwww!

wanderinhebrew , Ed Kennedy Report

Kona Pake
Community Member
4 months ago

“Ohhhh, A big city fella”.

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#3

Someone In This Online Group Asked, “What’s Your ‘That’s Why I Don’t Go Home For The Holidays’ Story?” And 30 Folks Delivered The last time I saw my extended family - aunt, cousins, etc. - for the holidays was during college. They told me I was going to burn in hell for dating a Jew, and the men were screaming the N-word at the TV while watching football.

I went to hang out with my baby cousins, who were in middle and high school, and one of them told me that she learned in their school's sex ed that white people can only get AIDS if they have sex with people of other races.

Once my grandfather passed away I cut contact with all my extended family.

[deleted] , Mike_fleming Report

Iconoclast He/Him
Community Member
4 months ago

Too many racists out there. Glad you stopped associating with them!

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#4

Someone In This Online Group Asked, “What’s Your ‘That’s Why I Don’t Go Home For The Holidays’ Story?” And 30 Folks Delivered Being verbally abused while I was digging a grave for my dog on Thanksgiving morning was the last straw I'm pretty sure.

DisPolySleepCycle , Cheryl Reed Report

Scott Moore
Community Member
4 months ago

Pity you couldn't dig one for them and put them in it.

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#5

Someone In This Online Group Asked, “What’s Your ‘That’s Why I Don’t Go Home For The Holidays’ Story?” And 30 Folks Delivered Both parents have psychological issues. I spent my childhood taking care of the family. Now that I'm an adult and moved away it's time to take care for myself.

Rhadjaz , Milwaukee VA Medical Center Report

Vasana Phong
Community Member
4 months ago

Good for you!

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#6

Someone In This Online Group Asked, “What’s Your ‘That’s Why I Don’t Go Home For The Holidays’ Story?” And 30 Folks Delivered I was kicked out at 15, and so refuse to go back

Emily_Starke , Mark Pilgrim Report

Iconoclast He/Him
Community Member
4 months ago

Children don't ask to be born. If someone's going to be a parent, then do it right and treat kids as human with decency. Terrible what you went through!

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#7

Someone In This Online Group Asked, “What’s Your ‘That’s Why I Don’t Go Home For The Holidays’ Story?” And 30 Folks Delivered My parents would routinely give me "gifts" like chocolate or some random thing I don't need like a picture frame. Then they'd go "oh you're too fat to eat it, you don't want that chocolate right?" Then they'd regift my "gift" to their friend's kids. My sister who was in middle school at the time got an iPad and a year later, a MacBook.

Yea, I'd rather not go home to a place that constantly belittles me. I make sure I get my sister a good present but beyond that I'm gone.

kayexgee , Lars Plougmann Report

Lovin' Life
Community Member
4 months ago

Toxic people are the worst. Glad you're not in that situation anymore.

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#8

Someone In This Online Group Asked, “What’s Your ‘That’s Why I Don’t Go Home For The Holidays’ Story?” And 30 Folks Delivered My wife's family is all deceased. The only one left alive on my side is my mother. Whenever we see her, she decides it's time to meddle like hell in our marriage. Last Christmas, after she left, we went to a marriage counselor because things got so bad. Counselor said we are both more than fine and to limit contact with nightmare mother/mother-in-law. We no longer see/hear from her anymore.

[deleted] , Sue Thompson Report

Vasana Phong
Community Member
4 months ago

As bad as this sounds, sometimes you gotta cut toxic people out of your life

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#9

Someone In This Online Group Asked, “What’s Your ‘That’s Why I Don’t Go Home For The Holidays’ Story?” And 30 Folks Delivered Cos I want to enjoy the holidays, not spend the entire time listening to the passive aggressivness of my extended family.

SettingS**tOnFire , Jen Diaz-Infante Report

Lovin' Life
Community Member
4 months ago

I can relate with you

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#10

Someone In This Online Group Asked, “What’s Your ‘That’s Why I Don’t Go Home For The Holidays’ Story?” And 30 Folks Delivered I realised the comments of my extended family resulted in the eating disorder I had in high school.

Despite knowing I was sick due to being hospitalised, when I started eating a healthy amount again they would pick on me and tell me ‘it will all catch up to my figure one day’.

thatone-there , @joefoodie Report

Lovin' Life
Community Member
4 months ago

Eating disorders are serious and can be fatal. Shame on them.

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#11

Someone In This Online Group Asked, “What’s Your ‘That’s Why I Don’t Go Home For The Holidays’ Story?” And 30 Folks Delivered My grandmother, who never liked me much to begin with because I didn't play hockey, decided to tell my wife, to her face, that she should pass away.

If I ever look in that old b**ch's direction again it will be to spit on her.

The_Foe_Hammer , gardener41 Report

Lovin' Life
Community Member
4 months ago

What a horrible thing to say to someone!

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#12

Someone In This Online Group Asked, “What’s Your ‘That’s Why I Don’t Go Home For The Holidays’ Story?” And 30 Folks Delivered My husband's family is just far better at making reliable plans than my family so they usually win out. I can't travel all the way across the country to try and see my sister and brother when they refuse to nail down plans more than a day or two in advance. "Oh you're coming into town. Cool, text us when you get here and we'll try and meet up" the. When I arrive they forgot they had some other obligation half the time. F**ker, you're almost 50 years old. Buy a F**king calendar.

nowgetbacktowork , Heribert Bechen Report

WilvanderHeijden
Community Member
4 months ago

It's not that her family is bad at planning, it's that they really don't give a s**t about her.

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#13

Someone In This Online Group Asked, “What’s Your ‘That’s Why I Don’t Go Home For The Holidays’ Story?” And 30 Folks Delivered Last trip home found out my mother had been indoctrinated into an islamic based sect (read cult) who's all knowledgeable and benevolent leader advised (forbid) her not to associate with her agnostic child and grandchild. So yahh anyway lots of free time and excess cash this December which is nice.

zdna227 , Gareth Williams Report

Viviane
Community Member
4 months ago (edited)

Isolating people from others - that's a ploy used by abusers to prevent second opinions. Isolation has benefits (such as such as working without distractions, recovering from illness, avoiding toxic people, thinking). This situation is simply manipulation.

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#14

Someone In This Online Group Asked, “What’s Your ‘That’s Why I Don’t Go Home For The Holidays’ Story?” And 30 Folks Delivered My family is a bucket of crabs. I couldn't get away on my own and had to get outside help. My siblings tried getting out and I watched them get pulled down into the black hole of Suck, over and over. As far as I can tell, even the ones living on their own are still hauled back into the bucket on a regular basis.

I can engage with them from a distance; if I get too close, they will try to re-infect me with their stupid, petty, needy, passive-aggressive squalor.

My parents are not bad people, just incompetent at a lot of important life skills. They are mediocre as parents (obvious favoritism, inconsistent rule enforcement), bad with money, and irresponsible in lots of small ways that left me with all sorts of weird baggage.

Teslok , Michael Coghlan Report

Lovin' Life
Community Member
4 months ago

So sorry!

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#15

Someone In This Online Group Asked, “What’s Your ‘That’s Why I Don’t Go Home For The Holidays’ Story?” And 30 Folks Delivered My aunt tried to exorcise me at a wedding.

Not the - go on a treadmill fat a** kind of exercise

The- I think she has a demon inside of her let's try and get the demon out with fire and prayer kind.

ElephantRoom22 , Jinx McCombs Report

Viviane
Community Member
4 months ago (edited)

"Beelzebub isn't up to doing laps around you, Aunt Lilith. He and I are staying home this year. However, his brother Asmodeus is single and would love to go to the gym with you."

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#16

Someone In This Online Group Asked, “What’s Your ‘That’s Why I Don’t Go Home For The Holidays’ Story?” And 30 Folks Delivered My parents are divorced, as a kid I was lugged back and forth between the two. If I spent Thanksgiving at one parent's home then I had to spend Christmas at the other. As an adult I don't like to pick sides, so I chose neither and had come to blame the long distance, exams, and now that I'm out of university, I have a full time job as my scape goat. I love both of them, but I would rather spend my time alone than worry about hurting one or the other's feelings.

porkflossbuns , Jess Report

Katherine Boag
Community Member
4 months ago

This is kinda awful that they make you feel this way.

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#17

Someone In This Online Group Asked, “What’s Your ‘That’s Why I Don’t Go Home For The Holidays’ Story?” And 30 Folks Delivered Super religious parents, brother is a once pastor, now atheist in a poly marriage. Not worth the drama.

[deleted] , Jocelyn Saurini Report

Iconoclast He/Him
Community Member
4 months ago

Sounds like hanging out with the brother would be a blast!

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#18

Someone In This Online Group Asked, “What’s Your ‘That’s Why I Don’t Go Home For The Holidays’ Story?” And 30 Folks Delivered My dad is a conservative armchair anthropologist so he will study me with notebook in hand like Margaret Mead observing the Samoans. I've learned never to watch Rachel Maddow in his house, otherwise he'll break out the 8mm and provide annoying 'and now we find the liberal in its natural habitat' voice-over narration.

laterdude , waferboard Report

Lovin' Life
Community Member
4 months ago

That's just unnerving.

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#19

Someone In This Online Group Asked, “What’s Your ‘That’s Why I Don’t Go Home For The Holidays’ Story?” And 30 Folks Delivered Because the first thing my dear relatives have to say is either do I have gifts for them or why did I put on so much weight. Can't I eat my pudding in peace?!?

MrsIronbad , Bev Sykes Report

Freya the Wanderer
Community Member
4 months ago

If they pick on you over your weight, p**s on 'em. Go ahead and scream, "You want me to be f*****g anorexic?"

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#20

Someone In This Online Group Asked, “What’s Your ‘That’s Why I Don’t Go Home For The Holidays’ Story?” And 30 Folks Delivered I don't really have a home to go back to. My dad passed away when I was eleven, my mom when I was fourteen. I was living on my own before I'd even turned sixteen.

There's my grandparents who took me in for a year until I got my own place, but they're both 85+ and have countless other grandchildren and great-grandchildren, so it sometimes feels like I'm just another grain of sand in the desert.

KittyCatOmaniac , James Williams Report

Walking On Sunshine
Community Member
4 months ago

We are all just grains, my friend. Hugs and love to you.

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#21

Someone In This Online Group Asked, “What’s Your ‘That’s Why I Don’t Go Home For The Holidays’ Story?” And 30 Folks Delivered Simply put, my family is full of grudges and alcohol. Holidays are supposed to be full of good feelings but every time one comes around someone mysteriously pulls up drama from 1992 and just ruins everything. So I'm just going to work.

ClassifiedRain , TheCooper04 Report

Kona Pake
Community Member
4 months ago

What happened in ‘92? Did you get drunk and puke on granny? Did your brother get caught with his SIL?

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#22

Someone In This Online Group Asked, “What’s Your ‘That’s Why I Don’t Go Home For The Holidays’ Story?” And 30 Folks Delivered Jesus. My parents are Opus Dei, the intolerance to other ideas is why I left home at 17. That level of "Jesus" is too much to take on anything other than the phone. I will call, I wont visit.

[deleted] , Leonid Mamchenkov Report

Iconoclast He/Him
Community Member
4 months ago

If calling unbalances your mental health, that might not be worth it either. Many people feel obligated to call or be involved with zealot family, but it destabilizes them in the process.

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#23

Someone In This Online Group Asked, “What’s Your ‘That’s Why I Don’t Go Home For The Holidays’ Story?” And 30 Folks Delivered For some reason my brother and his wife and super unfriendly towards us and my extended family including my parents.
Just for example my parents drove 8 hours to come see them and they ended up sitting in their hotel room all weekend because he would never make plans or would cancel at the last second. Note my parents supported him financially well into his 30's.

So basically every family function consists of my folks coddling to my brother and having him either blow them off or showing up briefly and being a complete a** the whole time.

Plus I have a psycho aunt who attacks me at every moment she gets. I think my family has a lot of mental problems....

ooo-ooo-oooyea , PartTime Photos Report

Vasana Phong
Community Member
4 months ago

You think???

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#24

Someone In This Online Group Asked, “What’s Your ‘That’s Why I Don’t Go Home For The Holidays’ Story?” And 30 Folks Delivered Family is mostly passed away (I'm in my 20's). No parents no brothers/sisters/uncles/aunts that live in the area. No reason to visit my hometown other than my in-laws live there. Going back gives me panic attacks.

ShevElev , Dawn Endico Report

Vasana Phong
Community Member
4 months ago

Very understandable, we live in the same town as most of my husbands family that never gave an f about him growing up, all the people that did care for him passed on, this this time of year does bring more heartache then happiness to some

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See Also on Fashion Life
#25

Someone In This Online Group Asked, “What’s Your ‘That’s Why I Don’t Go Home For The Holidays’ Story?” And 30 Folks Delivered Not as interesting as others, but it's just about the location. I moved to San Diego from Indiana about 3 years ago. I hate Indiana. Last time I was there, it was flat as hell (don't expect that to have changed), cold, dreary, and boring as f**k.

I coined a term for the way I felt; Sudden Onset Seasonal Affective Disorder: SO SAD.

Jair-Bear , Steve Baker Report

Lovin' Life
Community Member
4 months ago

Some places aren't good for you.

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#26

Someone In This Online Group Asked, “What’s Your ‘That’s Why I Don’t Go Home For The Holidays’ Story?” And 30 Folks Delivered Moved 1000 miles away from hometown to go to college. Mom told me before I even graduated from high school that I'd better make some friends my first semester, because a round trip flight at thanksgiving wasn't in the budget.

It's not bad. I went home with my roommate last year, and this year I'm staying with my boyfriend. I'm involved with the Macy's parade, so that keeps me busy too. I think if I really wanted to my mom would find a way to fly me back, but I don't mind waiting a few weeks till winter break starts.

happysailor68 , Wonderlane Report

Beentheredonethat
Community Member
4 months ago

I guess she never looked at the price of a plane ticket during thanksgiving.

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#27

Someone In This Online Group Asked, “What’s Your ‘That’s Why I Don’t Go Home For The Holidays’ Story?” And 30 Folks Delivered We've had the holidays by ourselves for around 11 years. My husband, two young adult children and I. All the grandparents have passed on. We used to get together with my husband's brother and his family, but after he divorced, it was too hard to set up plans, since the kids were with their mother some of the time. Everyone is adult now and it's even harder to arrange, since some are now married or involved and have other places to be.

"Home" is now us. My kids miss their cousins. They've missed them for over 10 years and now it's just a happy memory. I hope some day we'll be able to change it, but I don't know how, exactly, to do that.

whatyouwant22 , Faith Goble Report

Iconoclast He/Him
Community Member
4 months ago

Various Zoom chats with those that are available?

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#28

Someone In This Online Group Asked, “What’s Your ‘That’s Why I Don’t Go Home For The Holidays’ Story?” And 30 Folks Delivered My father and my step brother's like getting into fist fights every holiday. Oh I also tend to get yelled at a lot but I'm not sure if that has changed seeing I moved over 300 miles away after getting married. I refuse to go home for Christmas even though my husband has tried to convince me. Would much rather go too this state lol

kikiloveschichis , Leonard Erlandson Report

WilvanderHeijden
Community Member
4 months ago

Hope the husband stopped trying to convince her. It's not right when you try to make your SO do things that you know she really doesn't want to do.

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#29

Someone In This Online Group Asked, “What’s Your ‘That’s Why I Don’t Go Home For The Holidays’ Story?” And 30 Folks Delivered Because they come to my home? Am I doing this right?

j938920 , Greg Walters Report

Lovin' Life
Community Member
4 months ago

Glad you all get together for the holidays. Hopefully it's a good gathering.

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#30

Someone In This Online Group Asked, “What’s Your ‘That’s Why I Don’t Go Home For The Holidays’ Story?” And 30 Folks Delivered Because everyone is now spread out over a massive state that gets insanely cold during the holidays. They can come see me where it's still 70 this time of year.

That or they can wait till I visit in the summer.

InferiousX , Lottie Report

Lovin' Life
Community Member
4 months ago

Boundaries are good!

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